The Frenemy Within

I love to read. Anyone with me on this?

Right now I have about 5 books I’m reading…depending on my mood. Alli can figure out when I’ve been reading “The Other End Of The Leash” by Patricia B. McConnell, Ph.D. because I’m trying new ways to figure out how to interact more effectively with her. What’s really happening is I’m trying to interpret her behavior so I can influence it and shape it into more of what I’d like to see instead of the current Alli does what Alli wants to do.

I think I’m gaining ground.

Another book I’m reading at the moment is one that caused my husband’s eyes to roll because it’s about becoming a “ninja of self-love.” To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have purchased it on my own…because of the title. What a mistake that would have been. 

It’s the second book I would have passed up because of the title. There’s a lesson in that because the first book has notes in the margin on about every other page and this one isn’t far behind.

Sometimes you just have to get beyond a title. Otherwise, you miss a bunch of awesomeness just waiting to come your way.

Both books were chosen as the book of the month in a book club I’m in. Thank you very much for pushing me outside my comfort zone and helping me get past some of my mental blocks.

I’m only about a third of the way through this book, but I’ve already found so many nuggets. In particular, I loved the chapter about “The Frenemy Within” and ways you can stop insulting yourself.

Do you ever do that? I know I do. 

Author Tara Schuster says her Frenemy Within is super mean and is always looking for ways to bring her down. That sounds like my ego at times. (Guess I’ll have to start calling her my Frenemy Within.) What does she say? You’re too old. You’re not good enough. You’re not really an author. Your hair is too curly…or too straight. You’ll never make it in the corporate world because you don’t have a degree. (That was a few years ago; and guess I proved her wrong on that one.) 

The list goes on and on. Your ego can cloud reality just like alcohol, getting worse with each new false claim or each new drink.

Most of us can’t imagine saying these harsh things to anyone else. So why do we say these things to ourselves? And, what can we do about it?

Schuster suggests writing a cease-and-desist letter to your Frenemy Within. Take each criticism to task, write out exactly why the argument she is making is wrong. In reality you’ll probably have to keep a notebook or journal because I can assure you that ego-now-titled Frenemy Within isn’t going to go away. She’ll just come up with new arguments and new criticism. We are so hard on ourselves!

So, please don’t ignore her. Let your conscious mind put her in her place. Find yourself a pretty journal and when you hear that mean chatter, write it down and then write down exactly why “that dog won’t hunt.” (Can’t you just hear Sam Elliot saying that in the movie “Road House”? I can.) 

Once you’ve told her why she’s wrong, let it go knowing you’ve won the argument. Trust me, when you do that you’ll have more confidence, you’ll accomplish more, and you’ll be happier. 

If you’re looking for more tips on how to live life by design and on purpose, check out more on my blog and “Stage Your Day to Slay Your Day” template on my website.